Tuesday, September 13, 2011

My hair looks awesome

I can't think of anything fauxtog related to rite about, so I just wanted you all to know that my hair looks totes presh today.  Like for reals.

Oh, and idk what everyone is getting all madsies about with the Tods&Tiaras mom dressing up her daughter like Pretty Woman.  She was a cute little prostitot!!!!!  They were probs just jelly because their kids are uggos.  I know some moms like that, but serious, it's not my fault youre kid fell down the ugly tree and hit every ugly branch on the way down to uglyville.

Anyways, my hair.  Totes cute.

E> Jane

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

How to pose a newborn

Some of you aksed me if I could do a tut about posing a newborn, so here it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So like babys are adorbs on there own, we no that, but you know, sometimes they just look fat and constipated.  So we have to pose them to make them look cute and tiny and presh.  First, you always want their faces to obscured by something.  A hand, part of the blanket, an enorm bow, something.  This will show peeps that the baby is alive.  I know that sounds kinda sadsies, but with the amount of desaturation that we'll be applying to the skin, they'll need some indication that the baby is still breathing.  More about that l8r.

Another tip is to put them in immediate danger.  That is what the reel artists do because there so good they don't need to worry about common sense of anything.  There's a piccie of the baby sitting up, wrapped up like a sack of potatos and this takes a SUPER pro to do because you have to balance the baby.  Nobody can be touching the baby, and babies will like cry over anything, so make sure the balance is just rite or the baby will flop over.  They aren't weebles you know.

I saw one pic of a baby on a mantle.  BEST. PIC. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The fauxtog said it was okay bcuz the daddy was only like 3 steps away, but serious, it's not like babies roll, or mantles brake or anything so it's alrite.  The mantle was only 5 feet off the ground, so the baby only would a have died a little bit if it fell, but remember ART FIRST!!!!!!!!!!  OR else ur not a reel artist.

Hanging babies upside down, placing them on the edge of cliffs, curbs, on top of skiddish animals (horses, elephants), balancing them on the top of flag poles, all of these things are super artistic and will make all the h8rs supes jelly.

Now for post processing (or editing if you're not a pro like me).  All you have to do is desaturate the reds and yellows for that perfect "peek into the morgue" look, and ur totes good to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If the bubs is wearing an enorm bow or tutu or fluffy butt thingy, ALWAYS selective color these things.  ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Or if the blanket is especcialy colorful, that too.

Um, that's all I can think of for now, I'm totes tired becuz the hubbymuffinlovermonkeydoodlepie and I have been trying so hard to get preggers so I can be part of the in crowd, I'm just ezosted.  You can totes tell bcuz I'm not using as much punctuation thingies and my post isn't even in cute colors :(((((((((((  My life is supes dificult, you have no idea.  I wont even tell you about what happend to the escalade last week (the detailer DIDNT CLEAN THE MUD ON THE INSIDE OF THE DOOR FRAME!!!!!!!!!!!!! like for reals, I'm not even kidding.)

Love and cutie pumpkins,
E> JM

Monday, July 25, 2011

Why does nobody want me anymore?

So like the reason I havent been posting is because I went from SUPES busy to NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Wtheck is wrong??????????????  Is it the repression?????????  And because of it, peeps are poor now??????????? (not me of course, I just got 4 new gucci bags to match my new teeny weenie bakinis for the summer) but I for reals don't know why people aren't coming to me for piccies anymore????????????

Everyones prob in the bahamas or fiji for the summer vaycay.  That's probs it.

E> J

Thursday, July 7, 2011

WTHECKADOODLES?!?!?!?!?!?!

Oooooooooookay!!!!!!!!! I'm back!!!!!!!!! I know you missed me so much because I got your emails!!!!!!!!

I was wixed away on a totes amazeness vaycay by my hubbermuffincuddler and we went to the Bahamas. It was FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We spent a while there and I got so tanned and I was SOOOOOOO glad I had appointment with my waxer the day before.

Anyways, let me tell you what happened. It will make you furrious like it did to me!!!!!!!! I was on groupon and there was a okay deal with a photographer to get family piccies.  I snagged one, it was $25 for the session and 2 8x10 sheets.  Not bad I guess but whatevs.  So anyways, we had our piccies done and they were so cute!!!!!!!!!!!  Then, we went to pick out more and guess what.

NO, GUESS!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY WERE $60 EACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIKE, OHEMGEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I started crying and pretended it was like I was so happy with how beautiful they were.  But I was really crying because they were ripping me off like ripper offers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The guy said it was all in the groupon coupon, all his prices and stuff, but for reals, who even reads that stuff anyways???????????  He even said his price list is online, and linked on the groupon offer, but like, do I look like I read?????????? Um, no!!!!!!!!!!! I have a life you know??????????????  

So like anyways I had to pay almost as much as I paid for my matching Coach handbag and clutch set, JUST FOR PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course I went online and totes RUINED his rep because he's such a ripper offer.  I told everyone what he did to me and they told me what I should do:  they said to scan the pix and print my own.  I totes am.  I know they have a scanner at Walgreens and THEY only charge like fifteen cents for their piccies.  

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!  DO YOU KNOW HARD IT IS TO GO THREW THIS??????????????  

I am the one that gave him my business through groupon.
I am the one that let him use my beautiful, flawless face and my perfect children.  They only broke 2 of his light poles and kicked him a few times, but other than that they were ANGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont deserve this kind of treetment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, June 20, 2011

I'm so selfless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First, before I start telling you about what a perfect and totes amazing person I am, I have to warn you. Blogger is like totally having a bad week or something and its STILL not letting me change the size or color of my pretty words, so you'll have to deal with this boaring black, okay???????????? I'm sorry, I hope they fix it soon *frownyface*

I feel so warm and loveydoodles inside. I just saved my friend a FORCHIN!!!!!!!!!!! Let me tell you the story about me being selfless and awesome.........

My friend J was going to get her X-mas card piccies done by this super duper famous photog in our town because J just had a baby and she wanted really good piccies. She was having the consultation early this morning so I told her I'd come to make sure the photog is totes on the up && up and not a scammer or anything. So we hopped in my Pearl Escalade and got our venti largo mocha choca latte extra foam skim caramel whip macchiatoccinos in the drive thru Starbys and went to the consultation. She ordered the "all you can click" package which had the CD of the whole shoot and she was paying (total with all the "taxes" and "fees" and whatever)

$2300.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So after Js consultation I got the photogs card and called her later. Obvi I told the lady "No way, hosay, because I'm a pro photog too." and I canceled Js appointment. I told the photog about my new 5d and my Photoshop C5 and I told her I'd give my friend the full CD of a whole entire photo shoot for $5 for her (since she's one of my besties for life). The scammer "pro" kept saying "are you sure?" because I guess she's booked until next summer or something but whatever, I dont know why peeps would even want her that badly if she charges so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So thats the story of me helping people and being so selfless and charitable like I am. I mean J will probably be able afford to go touch up her roots now that she doesn't have to pay all that money for piccies (and she totes for real needs a root touch up too, I mean who lets their roots even show-- EEW. Her baby is a few days old now, enough lazying around, kwim?????????)

I can't wait to tell J about the charitable gift I'm going to give her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

E> J

Sunday, June 19, 2011

I think you guys forgott about me *frownyface*

I like posted and nobody commented. Not won person. I'm like "what's wrong with me???????" I went to Fiji for a week or too and now nobody loves me???????? Are you all just jellie of my adorbz tan?????? Or my new 5d that I got???????

WHAT IS IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Where did all the peeps that love me go?????????? Are you all vacationing in the Carribean?????????? WHAT??????????????

Oh and now Blogger isn't letting me make my text all pretty so I like can't even make it in the middle or big and pink to show just how sirius I am.

My life.

Is over.

Friday, June 17, 2011

My new Hero E> E> E>

Hi guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm back from my trip to FIJI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know you totes missed me for reals.  But I have some important news for you.  I have a new hero.  There name is

C n C Moments

Why are they my hero???????????  Cuz they totes followed my advise and used "placeholders" on their webbysight!!!!!!!!  Here, let me show you.


See, so like on there sight (under blog, && u hafta scroll down a bunches) is a picture of this cutsie pootsie wittle bebeh with a super adorbs multicolored hat.  And I was like WAITASEC, JANE!!!!!!  Where have you seen this piccie before?!?!?!?!  And then I was like "oh yah, doy, I saw it on Jodie Otte's webbysight!!!!! (page 2)

So I took screenshots (since people who use placeholders usually delete them rel fast)  and posted them on her facey (http://www.facebook.com/cncmoments)  but she deleted me as a friend and removed my comment :(  *SUUUUUPER FROWNY FACE*

So anyways, I had to blog about her because like, it's TOTES awesomesauce to have peeps follow youre lead and take after you.

LOVE 4EVA, CNC MOMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

E> JaneyJane, youre mentor

P.s. PLEEEEEZ repost this so peeps can see what an innovater I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh yeah, and what a great thief photographer CNC moments is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Etsy

So like I think I'm going to sell prints on Etsy because my style is so unique and artistic.  I think peeps will love to have piccies of the little boys and girls I shoot up on there wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


What do u think?!?!?!?!?!?!
E> jm

Monday, June 6, 2011

Getting redy

I just wanted you all to know, I'm not ignoring you, I'm getting redy for the vacation to fiji that I'm going on.  I didn't earn it or anything, I just get it because I'm cuter, richer and better than all of you that work hard for your vacations.  I'm leving at the end of the week, but it takes me awile to pack everything into my matching louis vitton trunks and suitcases.  I'll be back next Friday and I'll 4 sur post piccies for you to drool over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*pity smile*

E>  J

Thursday, June 2, 2011

If your wondering why I'm not posting..............

It's because I've like run out of ideas :(((((((

I've been stocking other bloggies to see if they have any ideas I can steal borrow.  But they keep using big words and I get confused and go back to cute kitten videos. 

Okay, like, here's a question.  Why do peeps get mad at you for being better then them????????????  Red is being a total brattybrat and plus the one photog's facey that I've been borrowing from?????? She's like all mad at me two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  All I wanna do is show people that I can do the same piccies as her but better, but she's like "stop posting pix in the same spot as me two days later" and "that farm land is MY PROPERTY, get off"  and "stop running the same specials as I post" and all that.  Whatevs. 

I'm sOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO not caring.  Besides, I'm totes going on vacation next week to fiji because this biz stuff is major stressage. 

Sorry to be such a frowny fran lately, but biz is HaAaAaAaAaArD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I just don't know what to do. 

E/> Janeywaney

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Haters

So like I, being Red's exbffl, remember her email password (it's nkotbrox beeteedubs) and so know what I did? I got her hole email list and sent them my website and a coupy for 50% off a sesh with me.

AM I BRILLS TO THE MAX OR WHAT?!?!

So I'm gonna get all my clients back!

And I finally finished editing the 25 seshes I had using free actions I found online. Totes works grate!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have 22 seshes today and I had 14 yesterday and I'm doing a wedding tomorrow, so these actions will fershur come in handy dandy while I'm editing this week. And I told half of the complainers to shut up so I didn't haft redo their seshes either. Its been a good week!!!!!!!

I'm siked so much about my first wedding tomorrow!!!!!!!!! Can anyone say OPEN BAR?????? I normally don't drink but if its free I'm gonna get tanked!!!!!!! Let my artistry flow, kwim?

Wish me luckypoo!!!!!!!!!

E> j

P.s. Some1 thinks everyone who is anonymous is rely me commenting on my own blog. So totes hilarius rite? So you should all make a name to sign it with so they stop thinking that.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I don't like this anymore

So like, Now that I've been doing tons and tons of shoots, it's taken me forever to edit them and I like never get any time to relax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Someone told me to get actions for photoshop so I looked up a few of those for free ones and I got them so it made editing easier, but now people are complaining because some of them look funny.  I have to go back and edit some more and order more and like I thought I was going to be making tons of money, but now I've had to reorder so many times I've actually LOST a couple hundred dollars!!!!!!!!!!!  THIS IS TOTES NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have been editing non stop for days and I'm not even getting a new Coach clutch for all this hard work??????????  I mean I didn't even get to wright Tutorial Tuesday for you guys this week AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm flailing as your teecher and for that I'm totes sorry :(((((((

I think I'm going to raise my price to $25 for the shoot that comes with a hole disk, what do you think????????????

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Too busy

Can't type now.  I had 25 shoots last weekend and now I am editing them and their all calling me asking for there pix and I can't edit this fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  People are getting sOoOoOoO madsies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What am I spozed to do???????????????

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Whiners

So like I've been a pro for like over a month now.  And I read photography forums and I know that people complain alot, but I'm just SoOoOoOoOoOoOo sick of complainers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Here's a passive aggressive, hypocritical whine about people who whine and are passive aggressive:

1.  Soft pictures are so totes IN right now. Stop saying their not in focus, I make them soft of purpise because I'm an artist, DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2.  I like bright colors.  Get over it.  You don't, so what.  I'm the pro, you don't know what's good, I do.
3.  YOUR fug skin has the zitties and your butt is fattymcfatterson, so dont get mad at me when you can see it on your piccie.  If you don't like it, get prettier, don't ask me to photoshop so much.  It takes too long and I don't wanna do it.
4.  Your kids are brats.  They don't sit still.  But even if they did, I don't know how to set my SS fast enough to account for camera shake........................... see complaint #1.
5.  I overdo whatever fad was cool 5 years ago, no more, no less.  If u dont like it, photoshop it yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6.  I own all of my locations.  If your another photographer, just trying to steel my locations, I will stand in all of your piccies until you leave and tell your clients you called them fat behind there back.
7.  I charge what I do because I'm not a ripper offer, and I need to give people some kind of incentive to come to me not you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8.  I LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If you don't, you are dumb.

So like yeah.   

H8ers PAY ATTENSHIN because these are for U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But u know what they say, h8ers make me famous and we all know I'm gonna be the Louboutin of photography soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

E> Jane

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Tutorial Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi my cutie pumpkin lovey huggy muffins!!!!!!!!!

Today, my tutorial is going to be on how to make colors POP!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so here's my pic

it's really gray and blah, rite???????????

So hears what we do. This is only for people who really know how to use Photoshop C5 because it's really really hard and you hafto know where like EVERYTHING is on it.

First, make a copy of the piccie layer thingy. Go up to layer and click on duplicate layer.

Then, if you look in the bottom rite corner where it says backgorund and now it says there's another layer there. There's a little menu doohickey and it says "normal" on it. Click on that and click on overlay.

Then go up above and click on layer and go down to new adjustment layer and click on hue/saturation. Drag the slideydoo as far over to the rite as it takes before your pic looks hawt.

Here's what my after looks like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






Two awesome.  If anyone wants to use this picture in a magazine or a museym, please email me at gigglesandcutiepumpkins {at} gmail {dot} com.  I will sell you the copyrite for $1.50 because I'm not a ripper offer, member??????????????????

Also, for next week's tutorial Tuesday I'm going to need piccies of people's faces.  So please email me all the piccies of people you have at the same email address I just posted above.  Thannnnnnnks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

E>  JaneyJane

Sunday, May 15, 2011

I ALMOST DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So like Blogger was down for like TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!  I had so much photography knowledge to share with you, and so many things to teach you and I couldn't because the website was like BROKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I almost died for you!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know you were trying to refresh the page over and over, CRYING because it wouldn't work.  I know you were so desperate for my cuteness, my inspiration, my fountain of knowledge pertaining to the gorge art of photography!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry I made you sadsies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please forgive me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In hopes that you'll forgive me, here's a cute picture of a sad kitten.

 Furrgive me pweez???????

E>  Jane 

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Tutorial Tuesday... on Wensday!!!!!!!

Sorry so much you guys, I had boat lag yesterday and was unpacking and starting at myself in the mirror so I forgot to write a tutorial for you guys!!!!!!!!!!  But here it is!!!!!!!!!!!

Today's tutorial is on......... Black and White!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, this one is easy peasy, so anyone can do it.  All you have to do is..........
1.  Open your piccie
2.  Click on Image
3.  Go down to adjustment
4.  Click on Black and White

WAHLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

You'll probably get some whiny, greedy "pro" telling you that's NOT how to do it.  They always tell me "Your black and white confusions lack dep and contrast.  Your skin is muddy.  There is skill involved in creating a meaningful black and white confusion."

WELL MAYBE WE DON'T WANT DEP OR SKILL (unless you're talking about Johnny Dep, we'll take two of those plz!)  MAYBE WE JUST WANT A PLAIN OLD BLACK AND WHITE PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Geez.  Some people think we need to use "skill" and "knowlege" to do everything in photography.  As if being  a real pro takes any of that!!!!!!!!  Whatevs.  Obvi they know nothing, rite?

I would have given you guys an example piccie to go along with this tutorial, but none of you are sending me pix!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Send me some!!!!!!!!!  I can't use piccies of my own kiddos because then you'll figure out who I am my camera will brake from their SUPER CUTIENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So send me pix at gigglesandcutiepumpkins {at} gmail {dot} com.  Any pix!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Well, no uggos, please.

THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANKS!!!!!!!!!!!

E>  Jane

Monday, May 9, 2011

ZOMGOODNESS!!!!!!

So the reason I was gone for so longsies was because...........
also for mothers day my hubkinchukymonkeylover

TOOK ME ON A SUPRIZE CRUZE!!!!!!!!!!!!  

TO ME-HEE-CO!!!!!!!!!!!!

And of course I took lots of picciepoos!!!!!!!!


Here's us on the beech

Here's me hiking mount everest

Us enjoying our family time
 
Look how tan we got!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like so much hotter than the fake-n-bakes I get!!!!!!!!

All these piccies are OBVI taken by me, look how awesome they are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't be jealous though, I'm sure your mothers day was almost as good rite???????????????????

Friday, May 6, 2011

Awesomeness and useless things on my camera

Awesomeness things that happened today...........
1.  My hurr got did and I got my highlights touched up so I'm looking fandangtabbulous!!!!!!  Youll note that Im using extra punctuations because of how AbFab I'm looking!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.  Hubeykinsloveymuffinoodlebug suprized me with my Mothers Day PRESENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That 5D that you guys said is the best camera out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There isn't Mark's sticker on it so it must have been made by a different guy, but it's still a Cannon and it's big!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It doesn't have a flash that comes on the top which stinks, I don't know why they'd take it off on the better camera, but whatevs.  Hubbers can stop sleeping in the guest house now witch is good because I was getting lonely.

That leads me on to a little bit of a rant four you..........
Why are there so many useless things on my camera?????????????

1.  The squares in the little thingy I look into.  There always getting in the way when I want to take a piccie.  Cant I like erase them or something???????

2.  I just found out when I press the picture taker button not all the way down it BEEPS??????????  WTHECK??????????  Normally I just press it all the way over and over so I get about 2,000 piccies per session, but I hesitated once and only pushed it halfway and it beeped!!!!!!!!!!!!  I think maybe its broken??????  I mean they killed Obama so I know it's not a terrorist bomb.

3.  The wheel thingy on top has sOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo many letters on it that just make your pix look terrible.  Why would you want to use anything but Automatic mode??????????  People are weerd.

Anyways, off to give my huggylovkins some snugglywugglies!!!!!!!!!

E>  Jane

Thursday, May 5, 2011

My logo

Are you ready for this??????????????

Disined by me, incorporating all the things that are Giggles and Cutie Pumpkins........
I present to you..........

MY NEW LOGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dont you just LoVe it????????????????????

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Copycatter Red

So I totes LoVe the name one of you guys gave Red, my bffl turned enemy whose copying my business: Big Red. I'm gonna call her that because seriesly she has cankles and needs to take a spinning class STAT.

Anyways, so I posted the tut yesterday about vinyets and guess who already has 10 new piccies on her facebook ALL with vinyets just like the one I have on my art piece from yesterday????????? Her names rimes with stupid HEAD.

AND....... get this......... she went to that field with the flowers that I always use and took her clients there. I mean HELLO???????????? QUIT COPYING ME!!!!!!! She stocks my facebook all. the. time. Her hubby is bffls with mine and she told him and he told my hubbymuffin and my hubbymuffin told me that she actually eats ice cream after the kids go to bed (AND NOT THE FAT FREE KIND!!!!!!!!) and goes through all of my facey pix and writes down the locations so she can go there. She just copies everything I do!!!!!!!!!!!! When we got our White Escalade, she got a cream colored one. When I found out I was preggos with Breklyn in 2007, she got pregnant the next month. Except she had a girl first, but that was only because I wanted Breklyn to be a girl, but he was a boy instead. I used to think it was cute that she was my bffl and we had the samesies stuff, but not anymore.

Also, I lost all of my baby weight after I had Chyloh, and guess who didnt? Yeah, BIG Red. She still has a poochy belly which gives her TOTES uggo muffin top, but nobody has the heart to tell her. I HOPE YOU READ THIS, RED!!!!!!!!

Anyways, I hate copiers. They stink and I rock.

E> Jane

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Tutorial Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HIYA everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm so sorry I've been MIAzies for the past few days.  Breklyn and Chyloh have been naughty naughty little babies.  They took my Bare Esscentuals and made a big mess, and drew on the white leather in our Escalade, and ALSO they refused to wear the matchy matchy outfits I bought for them at some ridiculously overpriced childrens boutique!!!!!!!!!!!!  Terrible terrible little doodie faces they are.

So it took me till now to rite my Tutorial about.........................

VINYETS!!!!!!!!!

Vinyets are THE bestest most ATRSYTASTIC things you can ad to your photo.  It says "I am an artist that likes my photos to fade out into a deep, black abyss of nothingness" And hear's how you do it!!!!!!!!!
Now, this one, is hard.  This is only for real real professionals because it has a bunch of steps with really scary menus that have a lot of buttons.  Okay, so lets go!!!!!!!!!!!

1.  Open your picture in Photoshop C5
2.  Go here and download the free action.
3.  Run the action and make the vinyet as dark as you can!!!!!!!!!!!

SEEEEEEEE???????!!!!!!!!!!

SoOoOoOoOo professional looking!!!!!!!!!!

Here's how it looks on my art piece entitled "Be careful of the floor's undryness"

BEFORE- so unpro, no vinyet.

AFTER:  Gorgeous professional piece of art!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOUR WELCOME my lovlies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

E> Jane

Saturday, April 30, 2011

BIG news and HUGE news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First, the big news...
I'm designing a logo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am using some fonts I don't have commercial licenses for, and designs I saw all over the internet and fashioning myself a brand spanky new LOGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It, of course is going to be FAB to the MAX and will be colorful and cutielicious!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm doing it myself in photoshop of course.

Then, the HUGE news....
*deep breathe*
I have a new enemy.  I have been HOARIBLY betrayed, and my fans need to know about it.  My EX-bffl Red (her real name is Ruby) is opening her own photography business.  She asked her husband for a Rebel for her birthday on the 27th and he got it for her, so now she's copying me. 

I just can't believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Her session fee is $5 and includes a disk of all images but she doesn't have Photoshop so she doesn't edit them so she sucks.  She doesn't know about Photobucket or Picknick's free editing and I'm TOTES not telling her!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I'm so glad I'm wearing waterproof mascera because I am SoOoOoOoOoOoO fustrated I could just cry.  She's even trying to out cute me with the name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Her business name is.......... are you ready for it???????

Bubbly Rainbows and Dimple Cheeks Photography

Hubseybunches just got home with a pint of B&Js and a romcom.  When I'm done sobbing I'll write more. 

Please leave me overly cutesy and outrageous compliments in the comments so I don't die of heartbrake.
 
 E/> Jane
 

Friday, April 29, 2011

Busy

Can't type now, on the phone with Kleinfeld ordering a replica of Kate's dress for husbymuffin and my ROV cerimony this summer.

So0o0o0o0o0o0o fit for a princess like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thursday, April 28, 2011

I don't get it

There's this photographer in my town.  She charges like a bazillion dollars and has customers all the time.  I wanted to show her clients that they can get the same kinda piccies from me but cheaper so that way I'll have more and more clients.  So I went into her studio and pretended to be a client and checked out all her equipment and took iphone piccies of her pix she had on the wall.  She said they were canvases or something.  And I recognized the places where she went in her pictures, so I went to those places for my shoots the last few days and took pix in the exact same poses and posted them on her facebook wall by tagging her. 

Her clients are MEAN and DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!  

They said my people were blue?????  And the kids aren't smiling, and are blurry and OOF?  I have NO idea what OOF means, but my people are the color they are when I take the picture.  The camera is on Auto, which means it takes a picture of everything you see exactly how you see it with your eyeballs.  SORRY I don't photoshop my people so theyre skin is all perfect, but I don't know how and plus it would probably take FOREVER.  My people aren't blurry, its called soft focus, duh people.  It's ART.  Sorry you don't know nothing about ART!!!!!!!!  And what the heck does "your colors are nuclear" mean anyways????????  I'm pretty sure nuclear is like the new way to say rad or something, right?  So that's good that my colors are nuclear and awesome, right?????????  I LoOoOoOoOvE bright colors, they make my eyes happy.

But anyways, I'm just going to find another photographer in my area that has nice clients and that way they'll all come to me and I can get 100 customers and save up for a Cannon 5d.  I still can't believe husbeylover made me resort to "saving" like we're in a third world county or something.  Little update on that, he's been sleeping in the guesthouse since "the incadent".  How dare he treat me like anything but a perfect princess!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, since that photographer's clients were so mean, I defended myself on her facebook and told them all what meanies they were and told them I hope they get botched eye lifts and tummy tucks.  Oh yeah, I went there, that's how mad I was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  But I think fighting publickly with people will show my clients how committed I am to my business.  So that's really good and stuff.

And for the last bit, which is HAPPY, and will turn your frownyfaces into smiling cutiefaces, I've been learning Photoshop C5 so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'll have more tutorials up soon!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm thinking maybe a "Tutorial Tuesday" would be good since it sounds so adorbs, rite???????? 

{Huggymuffins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}
E> Jane

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Can I borrow your piccies??????

I need to steal borrow some of your images to pass off as mine use as "placeholders" in some upcoming blog posts!!!!!!!!!!  I can't use my own beautiful images because then people will steal them because they're so gorgeous!!!!!!!!!!!!

A few little tidbits.........
1.  PLEASE be sure they're as adorbz as my images.  See my portfolio for examples of my talent.  I KNOW, I KNOW, you're thinking "but Jane, I'm not NEARLY as amazing as you!!!!!!!!!!!"  It's okay.  Just try to find piccies that come close.

2.  I won't be giving credit.  No watermarks please.  And I totally will be editing them with my mad skillz.  If you watermark them, how can I pretend their mine use them on my website without confuzing peeps?  Rite????????

3.  Send your images (jpeg only) to gigglesandcutiepumpkins {at} gmail {dot} com  and include a note if you wanna!!!!!!! The more you flatten me and inflate my ego, the more likely I'll use your piccie!!!!!!!!!!! *giggles*

ummmmmmm I think thats like totally everything?

{LOOOOOOOOOOVE}

Monday, April 25, 2011

Somebody told me

Somebody told me that a Cannon Rebel isn't a good camera for a pro.  And I looked all over at these different photography forums and they said it to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I figured it out!!!!!!!!!!!!  THIS is why I can't get the blurry stuff in the backround of my piccies!!!!!!!!!!!  My camera isn't the best one!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So I was thinking about Nikon and Cannon and which ones the best and I realized that I want a Cannon because it sounds big and scary and like what is a Nikon anyways it's like not even a word??????  So I want a Cannon something or other.  But want to know something exteremely horrifying???????  I think you'll need to sit down for this because this is like worse than world hunger, crying puppies and terrorism COMBINED.

Hubberloveykins gave me a PRICE LIMIT!!!!!!
 Can you BELIEVE that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  I haven't stopped crying since like the moment he said it.  I gave him LOTSA snuggles and he still has the nerve to do this too me??????????  I just like don't know what I did wrong!!!!!!!!!!!  I think he may be getting divorced on me or something!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

So like now I don't know what I'm going to do.  How am I supposto get the best pictures without a big, expensive camera that will do it for me?????????????

I am just. 
going. 
to die.


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter!!

I 35 mini-seshes yesterday and now I have 14 baby cutie real life bunnies and I dunno what to do with em.

Any ideas??????????


Friday, April 22, 2011

Another Tutorial-- Sepia

Hi guys!!!!!!!  I think it's like a super lucky day because everyone keeps saying there having a good friday and you know what?  I for sure agree!  It IS a good friday!!!!!!!!!!  I just figured out how to do sepia (pronounced suh-PEE-ah for those who aren't awesome pros like me) and I hafta say, sepia is like one of the like PRO-est things you can do to your pix.  It turns them brown instead of black and white, so they look all old fashioney.

Flipping.  

Rad.

There is nothing other than turd colored pictures of your baby that screams "talent" and "class".  NOTHING.

So hears how you do it!!!!!!!  This is for Photoshop C5.  It's kinda hard so try to keep up.

1.  Open your pic
2.  Go under the Image thingy up top on the toolbardoodle
3.  Go down to adjustments and click it
4.  Click on the choosey menu thing and go down to sepia and click it
5.  Make sure the density slideydoohickey is at 100%
6.  Make sure "perserve luminoty" is NOT clicked.  If it is, your pic will be really bright and not old looking.
TA-DA!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's a pic of my Son, Breklyn with his gorge smile!

BEFORE-  Colors.  Lame.

AFTER- Sepoopia!!!!!!!!!!! AWESOMSAUCE!!!!!!!!!

It for realsies brings out his eyes.  FRAMING IT!!!!!!!!!!  Okay I lied, I'll be adding a super dense black vinyet then I'll be framing it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and Pumpkins!!!!!!!! 
E>  Jane

Thursday, April 21, 2011

What happened today

Today I went to the park, it has lots and lots of flowers, and I like shooting there, so I brought my client who had a totes adorbs cutiepumpkin baby girl, and we started taking piccies but then this other lady comes up with her camera and takes piccies and I coughed loudly which DUH means GET OUTTA HERE and she just looked at me like I was getting on her nerves, but I was TOTALLY there FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I don't know why other pros (not pros like me, but MEANIE ones) think they can just come and steal my spot to take piccies!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I mean I have my pix up all over the internets, and that OBVI means thats MY spot.  If this other chick comes and starts taking pix there, then everyone that sees her sight is going to think she's ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She is TOTES trying to rip off my style you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that's not even the worst of it you guys, are you ready for this?????????? 

Her kid
was wearing
a pink
TUTU
!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean SIRIOUSLY???????????  I almost aksed her if her name was Jane too.  Could she try harder to be me?????????  So if you see anyone else with pix of a kid in a pink tutu, with flowers in the background, you should tell them to stop trying to rip me off, expecially when they're charging so much money.

Also, I gave my hubbermuffin some extra snuggles last night and he said I can TOTES get another lense!!!!!!!!!!  Which one should I get????????  What's the name of the lense that gives you the blurry background??????????  I know someone said I could use goosein blur on Photoshop, but I can't find it anywhere and since I'm richer than you I can just buy the super expensive lense that does it for me because DUH, stuff that does stuff for you automatically = the bomb.

E>  Remember, Jane loves you because your all ROCKSTARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. speaking of rockstars I herd Lady Gagas Judas song and I just dont get it.  She's in love with the guy that stabbed Jesus in the tummy?  That's not very nice.  Besides, wouldn't that mean the guy is like 3,000 years old????????  GRODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Photoshop

Now that my download FINALLY finished, I have Photoshop C5 or whatever, and I've downloaded some super cute actions so I can learn them and repackage them as my own.  It's taking SoOoOoOoOoO LONG to learn this stuff, you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How in the heck am I supposed to balance this and my 34 shoots I have this month???????????? 

I am making some tutorials for you guys though, so I hope your EXITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Here's the tutorial list I have so far, leave me a cutie comment if there's more you want me to teech, I LoVe teeching so I am willing to give you everything I know and stuff.

1.  Selective coloring (CHECK!!!!!!!!)
2.  Make the eyes POP with alienlike brightness
3.  Adding a texture to mask the oopsies in the piccie
4.  Prop ideas we never get tired of seeing
5.  Turning a blurry piccie into a "soft focus" image
6.  Oversharpening to save motion blur/ out of focusness
7.  ALL THINGS SEPIA!!!!!!!!!!!!
8.  Heavy vignetting
9.  Text on your photos

What else, my lovies?!?!?!?!?!?

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Me Me Me Me and Me

Okay so like, I have been having this issue, and I just know the blog is the best place to talk about it.  It's personal, but I know the key to every good business blog is to put way personal, completely irrelevant information on here so my clients can get to know stuff about me that they wish they never knew.  So here goes..............

My kids have been doing these things and it makes me feel this certain way.  And also, my friend........... you know my friend is visiting, so it's making me feel all these other ways, and do these crazy things, and eat lots of sweets (but sometimes salty snacks too) and fight with my husband.  Also, I totes had a fight with my bestie over this completely unflattering issue that is unbecoming to any business person, but I wanted to share it with you anyways, and give you all kinds of gory, disgusting details.  It's SuUuUuUuUuUpEr hard having a business AND a personal life, so I'm going to let them bleed together.  Oh and, this is my REALLY controversial political opinion that I MUST share on my business blog.  It's pretty ignorant, but I feel SUPER passionate about it because all of my smartysmart friends talk about it lots, so I wanted to share it with you on here.

I'm so glad you guys, my lovingest fans, get to hear all this stuff about me!!!!!!!!!!! I know you'll keep loving me irregardless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

E> J

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Thought of the day

Is there like an app that rates ugliness on a scale of 1-10 in potential clients??????????  

If your ugliness is 3-10, my number is 1-985-655-2500

EEW.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

So Irritated!!!!!!!!

First, guys, I'm SoOoOoOoOo sorry I made you go more than 24 hours without me.  I know you were panicking and I'm just so sorry!!!!!!  Please say you'll forgive me????

Second, I seriously can't believe what happened today.  I went out with my bestie and I saw this nother photographer, and she was selling a session for.......... get this............ $150!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  FOR JUST THE SITTING FEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was like WHA?!?!?!?!?!  Can you spell rippoff!?!?!?!?!?!  And her disk was............ are you sitting down............ $1500.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!  LOOK AT ALL THOSE ZEROS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I asked her, I said "why do you rip peeps off????? It's totally bad karma, duh!!!!!!!!!" and she looked at me like I was a total nutterbutter!!!!!!!!!!  I mean okay, lets look at it like this, kay?  They get their super rich husbands to buy them a $3,000 camera just by looking hot and giving them extra snuggles and love.  One more snuggle sesh and there's you're Mack Book Pro.  It's not like they have to pay for it or anything!!!!!!!!!!!  And then they get clients without having to pay for any advertizing at all (see my last, totally bombalicious post for ways to do this)  and they go out and take less cuter than mine piccies, upload them to their compie and put them on a disk.  THATS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!  It's not like they have to pay taxes if they were only as smart as me and just did it "under the table".  (Isn't that phrase totes adorbs btw????? like I'd actually touch the nasty underside of the table EL OH EL!!!!!!)  And it's not like they have to buy expensive software, HELLO, HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF PIRITING?!?!?!?!!?!?!  Photoshop = FREE.  And seriously, who edits the heck out of their piccies anyways?????????  All of the good edits I do (check out the PORTFOLIO, PEEPS!!!!!!!) take me 15 seconds.  Why should anyone pay them like it takes 5 hours?????????  All this "skill" garbage is such a load!!!!!!!  Peep my mad skills, and I didn't study, or take classes that I paid for, I'm just a natural.  Which is why my prices are SO flipping awesome, rite???????????? 

Some people. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO rong.

Also, check it, I'm gonna start doing WEDDINGS SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My price for all day coverage will be $150, but that's only cuz I guarantee 2,000 piccies and will be there for 8 hours.  Otherwise I TOTES wouldn't charge so much.  I am NOT a ripper offer!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and Cutie Pumpkins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! E>  Jane

P.S.  I totes love punctuation marks almost as much as I love looking at myself in the mirror.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Advertizing Ideas

I am going to start advertizing soon and I need some ideas.  Here's the ones I have already..........

1.  I'm going to Facey friend all these other photogs that have lots of friends and post a link to my site on their wall.  But I'll pretend like I'm leaving a reg comment so they'll totes not notice I'm trying to steel there fans.  Something like "OHEMGEE your piccies are uber adorbs!!!!!!  Come check out my photography, it's a little cuter and way cheaper!!!!!!  <post link>"   Classy, right?

2.  Tag all of my friends and all the photographers I know in every single piccie I post.  Max exposure!!!!!!

3.  Follow tons of blogs and twitters unrelated to photography and post my link in every comment I leave!!!!!

4.  Send out postcards to everyone in my town.  I have a design in mind already (yeah, my art skills are that bombtastic!!!!)  it includes no piccies and no basic information about what I do.  I want it to be like this commercial from the 80s guy that took over PlanEx.

5.  Buy a Facey Ad and use my ToTeS aDoRbS slang and random capitalization to grab the attention of equally hip mommies!!!!!!

I TOTES forgot #6, it really was on my list, swear to Kim Cattrall!!!

6.  CRAIGSLIST AD!!!!!!!!  IN ALL CAPS, SO PEEPS CAN IMAGINE ME SCREAMING ABOUT MY AWESOME TALENT AND FEROSH DEALS!!!!!!!!  I DONT THINK I'LL USE A PICCIE, BUT IF I DO, IT WILL BE THE WORST OUTTAKE OF MY VERY FIRST SHOOT EVER!!!!!!

What do you think??????????????????????????????

Gimme more ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

My first tutorial!!!!!!

Holy wowzers you guys, I am SoOoOoOoOo flattened by all of your sweetness!!!!!!  You have been practicly BEGGING for me to teach you my bomb skills, so here's my first tutorial!!!!!!!

How to do my FAVE editing technique:  Selective color.  With super cute instructions!!!!

Step 1, Honeybun:  go to photobucket and upload your piccie
Step 2, cutiepoo: click Edit
Step 3, chickadee: click Color Splash
Step 4, totes adorbs: color in the thing you want in color.

A few tips:  
E>  The more dead looking the skin is the better.  NEVER color in something relevant to the pic itself. 
E>  Color in things like loud shirts, an unimportant background element and or there shoes. 
E>  It's TOTES hard to get the edges perfect, so I always color a little bit outside the edges to make sure I got it all.
E>  When selective coloring the eyes, I ALWAYS add a layer of color that's completely RIDIC and would never ever be a realistic eye color.  It really makes the imige POP!

OKEYDOKEYARTICHOKEY, wowzers that teaching stuff REALLY makes you feel good inside!!!!  I feel like I just cured AIDS or something.  My heart is so puffylove and overflowing!!!!!!!  I hope the rainbow didn't offend anyone.  I love the gays, they are like TOTES the most fashion forward, so I love to support them by putting cutieppumpkin rainbows up places.

I had a few fan males I wanted to address:

Anonymous said:
You should totally print at home! There is nothing I love more than seeing a faded print hanging on my wall 6 months after I've printed it. It makes it feel very old fashioned and like my family has been established for a very, very long time. 

A, you are TOTES right!!!!!!!  I can't tell you how much I LoOoOoOoOoVe vintage!!!!!!  I think I'm gonna offer this as a option to my clients.  But only the super adorbs ones that will rock the vintage look.  If you can't handle the style I won't offer it.   Another part of my quality servise!!!!!!

Anonymous also said:
....wow....are you 12? Really your Spelling, photos and the way you even present your self is HORRABLE! Get a real job and Leave the Photos to a REAL photographer. 

Anonymous, I don't get you.  You help me, then you insult me????  Whats up, buttercup?????  As much as I love misspelled accusations of misspelling AND randomly capitalized letters, I just don't understand where we went wrong????  I was gonna invite you to my mani-pedi-margi-party for being my biggest fan and leaving me the most comments. *frownyface*  Ok, here's Dr. Cutieumpkins perscripshin:  go take a handful of bi-polar meds and drink three cosmos, watch SATC the movie and give me a call, kay?  We can still be e-besties.  Oh and also, I already said I'm 26 yesterday AND in my about me.  I'm not 12.  It is NOT 1997 right now because that was just NOT a good year for fashion for me.  Straight bob gone all wrong, hairdo DISASTER.  Bad mems.

Thanks for all youre nice comments everyone!!!!!  And be sure to check out my NEW about ME section AND my Facey!!!!

Love and Cutie Pumpkins,
Jane

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Printing

I'm in a bit of a dill lemon here today.  *frownyface*
You guys, my loving fans, are pros like me so maybe you can help me.

Okay, so I did those four shoots the other day.  Well, like 3 and a half because of that little bratface but still.  Now that I've gotten them all selective colored and oversaturated and they look like dead kids with neon tutus and giganto hair bows on......... One of the moms actually wants ME to print the pix!  Ugh, pain, I know, rite?!  So....... I'm thinking Walgreens?  There good, right?  Someone told me Costco is professional quality, but there like 19 cents per print and walgreens is like 10 cents.  And they only paid me $10 and I already spent it on seeing Eclipse again at the discount theater!!!!  (Be tee doubleyou... Team Jacob all the way)

You guysssss this biz stuff is HARD!!!!!!!  I'm TOTES gonna need a mani-pedi-margi-party after this!!!!!!

Okay you know what, I know what your gonna say: "Your a PRO now Jane.  Put on your big girl g-string (the Vicki Secrets kind, not the sleazy kind) and give them PRO quality."

So Costco it is.

Lucky for me, instead of working hard, we're loaded so I can get whatever I want and not have to worry about cost of goods sold or profit margin or any of that bo-RING junk.  I bet it's hard having to budget in stuff like that, right?  I can't even IMAJIN how hard it is.  That's probably why all those old businessmen guys all have like wrinkles and frownyfaces all the time.  Lucky for me times two, I love BOTOX!!!!!! LOVE LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!

So now that I've solved my own problem (see what I mean about me being the straight bomb?) I have a few important things I did for you guys, my loving fans.

1.  I started a FACEY!!!!!!! It's www.facebook.com/giggesandcutiepumpkins like duh, but there's also a linkeypoo now on the left under my absolutely PRESH about me.  And for you H8ers, there's a bownafied picture of me up there on the facey!  Edited with a taste of my new blingee skillz, which I know you'll all be copying like tomorrow.  But oh well, such is life when your a uberpopular professional like me.  I'll be sure to link you on the facey if I have a new blog post since I know your all doing the facey like it's a drug.  I know it's MY drug.  But so is your love!!!!!!!! Is my love your drug?  el oh el!  (Ke$ha is another idol... LOVES HER!!!!!! TOTES ADORBS with all that GLITTER!!!!!!!!!)

2.  Classes!!!!!!  Or Mentoring!!!!!!!  Since I'm totally not a rip off photographer, I'll be doing classes and mentoring for free through my blog whenever I can figure out all these buttons.  But for now, I'll answer any questions I get in the comments.  So ask away my sweeties!!!!  Maybe when I figure out all these buttons I'll make like a question box or something. 

I hafta add a little side note here... Seriously, if you're only here to try to steal my poses and locations, step off because your skills wont match mine.  EVER.  Nor will your cuteness.  EVER EVER.  Also, I won't be answering any meanie questions or comments that use too many naughty words.  Didn't your mother ever tell you not to talk like that?  I mean EEW for reals.  SoOoOoOoOoO unprofessional.

3.  A little more about ME!!!!  People keep asking "hold OLD are you!?!?!"  Which is like totes rude, but whatevs, I'm taking it as a compliant because they probaly think I'm so young because my lingo is so HIP!!!!  I'm 26.  My bee-day is 1/1/85, that's right, NEW YEARS BABY!!!!!!!!!!  If you're wondering why 1985 was such a rockin year, it's because I was born first and MADE it that way!!!!!!!!
Well technickley I was born second, but TBH the first baby of the year was wrinkly and suffered from a major case of the uggo, so we don't count him.  And now for a suprise present...................
I'm gonna make a hole about me PAGE!!!!!!!!!! so you can learn all your Jane Momtographer FACTS and be my biggest fans (as if you aren't alredy).  Aren't you just SO GREATFUL for my generocity?!?!?!?!

So there you go!!!! My gifts to you:  MORE ME!!!!!!!  Don't you just LOVE IT!!!!!!??????

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Mrs. Popularity!

Holy Moly, I didn't realize I would be so popular so fast!  I mean I totally know that the undeniable cuteness I exood is so infecting, more than H1N1 but still!  Ok, so first let me address my loving fans questions.  In super cute color, of course!!!!

1.  I'm totally real.  Im not from that place the lottery scammers come from (and I wont even type the name of the place because it's so racist, I just HATE the n-word!!!!!)  I'm as real as my idol Heidi Montag.  LOVE HER!!!!!  She's like a grown up Barbie!!!!  Oh, and this is the only sight I have, I'm not part of any others, and if I was it would be www.itotallysoamaphotographer.com not www.youarenotaphotographer.com I am not that mean.  People who hold meanness in their heart end up with really bad acne anyways, I heard that from Dr. Phil.

2.  Some of you totes want to see my pix and my sight, DON'T WORRY!!  One of my rad fans suggested wix.com and I'm so THERE!!!!  I'm desining my sight as we speak.  I've got some placeholder pix I right clicked and saved from other photographers sights.  I'm prettymuch as good as they are, so these are totes accurite.  DOOOONT WORRRRRY!!!!!!  I had my friend who is a photoshop ROCKSTAR take off theyre logo from the picture so nobody will think I'm them.  El oh el, I totally would NEVER try to confuse people like that!!  But if the real photogs get mad, or if anyone asks, my web designer did it. 

3.  My camera and my lense "line up".  Um, first, my lenses didn't commit a crime, so I would NEVER call it a "line up".  Tacky much?  There my RaD gEaR!!!!!!  I have my Rebel (though I wish they called it a Diva instead of a Rebel because it TOTES describes me better!!!!) and I have a big lense.  Its the one that came with the camera, so I know it's really pro!!!!  It says EF-S on it.  I'm going to save up and hopefully I'll get some more bigger ones soon.  I want one that makes the stuff behind the babies blurry. I don't want the lense too big though, I don't want boy arms like Madonna.  EEW!

4.  Where am I???  Hello, I'm everywhere!!!!  I'm really like H1N1 but 100x more adorbz.  And instead of making you sick, I make you beautiful pictures of cutie pumpkin kiddies!!!  I have an email address (of course, I AM legit you know) it's gigglesandcutiepumpkins at gmail dot com.  I just can't figure out how to put it on the blog b/c there are WAYYY too many buttons here.  HTLM, what the heck-o is THAT anyways?!?!  This blog needs an AUTO button as rockin as my cameras so it will do everything for me!!!!!!!  But please don't send me anything mean, we all know that people ONLY say mean stuff about ur photography when there jealous anyways.  Like that guy that called me a looser.  And I'm sure that super long comment had meanie stuff in there too, but lets be honest here, TL;DR, right????? Um, jealous much you guys?  Don't worry though, cuz if you follow me, you might learn how to be ALMOST as cute as me.  With alot of stress on the ALMOST, of course. 

and last but not leased...

5.  Taxes and all that other stuff I didn't understand.  I don't need all that stuff because I don't have a studio store and I don't charge enough that the IRS will even notice.  They only care about the photographers that charge an arm and a leg.  Besides, my hubby and I pay our regular taxes so the IRS wont care about my side biz.  This is AMERICA, not communist RUSHIA!!!  Ugh, debbie downers, all so jealous of my rad ideas that they have to try to RUIN them.  Whatevs.

LoOoOoOoOoOvE you guys!!!!!!!!!!  Your almost as cute as I look with my new damask camera strap and matching Louboutins!

-Jane

P.S. Whoever said "totes adorbs" was the most annoying phrase ever is BAND from this page.  Obvi there satan worshipers or something.

P.P.S All you guys that said about weddings gave me a totally RIDIC idea!!!!!!!  Brainstorming sesh tonight!!!!!!! 


***I TOTES put up the wrong email addy on accident!  FIXEDIT!!!!!!!!****

Monday, April 11, 2011

OHEMGEE!

Welcome to my new blog!  I just bought a Canon Rebel last week with the money I saved up from my birthday in January, and today... *~*drumrolllll*~* I'VE DECIDED TO START UP MY PHOTOGRAPHY BUSINESS!!!!!!!

I know, SUPER exciting, right???!!!!  I've dicided to name it "Giggles and Cutie Pumpkins Photography" because, well, I'm only gonna shoot cute kiddies (hello, who wants uggos in the portfolio?!) and giggles are the cutie ootiest!!  I've made a free blog through blogger and got a free email addy from gmail, so now I'm totally legit.  I made my blog all pink because I'm am totally girly and just LoVe pink!  I figur the best way to reach an audience is completely pigeon holing myself into a niche so tiny I'll never get clients.  It's okay though, because my camera takes TOTES awesome pix.  Okay I know you're wondering how much I'm gonna cost, so here's the OFFICIAL price list.

Session fee $10 if you want to go outside, or $15 if you want to use my wrinkled bed sheet as your background.  I don't know how to photoshop yet, so I hope you like wrinkles!!

8x10 is $3 and 5x7 is $2.50.  But there won't be any need to buy these since I'll give you the disk for free!!  YEAH, that's what seperates me from those RIP OFF photographers.  I'll give you everything for free and not charge you like five hundred dollars for the disk.  I mean I just load the pix from the camera onto my computer, then from the computer onto the disk, WHY would I charge you for that?  el oh el, it's not like I'm trying to make a decent living here or anything!!!

So N-E-WAY, hit me up if you want a photo shoot!  Don't worry, I've made my email addy so unbarably long you'll never remember it!!  I'm totally looking for ADORBS babies to shoot.  OHEMGEE doesn't that sound totally funny?  Like I want to shoot them with a gun or something?!  No, it's just photography lingo don't worry.  I mean I want to shoot them with my camera.  You'd know if you were a pro like me.

LOVE AND CUTIE PUMPKINS!!!!

-Jane