Monday, April 11, 2011

OHEMGEE!

Welcome to my new blog!  I just bought a Canon Rebel last week with the money I saved up from my birthday in January, and today... *~*drumrolllll*~* I'VE DECIDED TO START UP MY PHOTOGRAPHY BUSINESS!!!!!!!

I know, SUPER exciting, right???!!!!  I've dicided to name it "Giggles and Cutie Pumpkins Photography" because, well, I'm only gonna shoot cute kiddies (hello, who wants uggos in the portfolio?!) and giggles are the cutie ootiest!!  I've made a free blog through blogger and got a free email addy from gmail, so now I'm totally legit.  I made my blog all pink because I'm am totally girly and just LoVe pink!  I figur the best way to reach an audience is completely pigeon holing myself into a niche so tiny I'll never get clients.  It's okay though, because my camera takes TOTES awesome pix.  Okay I know you're wondering how much I'm gonna cost, so here's the OFFICIAL price list.

Session fee $10 if you want to go outside, or $15 if you want to use my wrinkled bed sheet as your background.  I don't know how to photoshop yet, so I hope you like wrinkles!!

8x10 is $3 and 5x7 is $2.50.  But there won't be any need to buy these since I'll give you the disk for free!!  YEAH, that's what seperates me from those RIP OFF photographers.  I'll give you everything for free and not charge you like five hundred dollars for the disk.  I mean I just load the pix from the camera onto my computer, then from the computer onto the disk, WHY would I charge you for that?  el oh el, it's not like I'm trying to make a decent living here or anything!!!

So N-E-WAY, hit me up if you want a photo shoot!  Don't worry, I've made my email addy so unbarably long you'll never remember it!!  I'm totally looking for ADORBS babies to shoot.  OHEMGEE doesn't that sound totally funny?  Like I want to shoot them with a gun or something?!  No, it's just photography lingo don't worry.  I mean I want to shoot them with my camera.  You'd know if you were a pro like me.

LOVE AND CUTIE PUMPKINS!!!!

-Jane

77 comments:

  1. Is this fake? Are you really starting a business? Your grasp of English and your lack of knowledge of the intricacies of a camera make me wonder about your authenticity.

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  2. ZOMG I am SO not a troll, I mean their hair... eew. And don't you know hair spray ruins the oh zone? I would just never. And hello, how does one even grasp English? It's a languange, you can't touch it, duh. I bet you're just old and don't get the now lingo like I do. You probably don't even botox. *~BARF~* And I DO no my camera. How else would I take piccies, hello? You should TOTES follow me, I bet you'll just LoVe the pix I take! Just gimme a chance, kay? You'll loooooove it, cross my heart!

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  3. For those of you who think this is real, I have emails from Nigerian banking officials who are totes legit and they need someone in the US to transfer excess funds to. I can forward them to you because you know, its for realz.

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  4. Back it up with some photos....with the settings chosen by the camera. Put up or shut up.

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  5. How do I book you? Where are you at?

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  6. Do you have a WIX.COM website?

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  7. This is a joke, right?
    How do you call yourself a "professional photographer" with a Rebel? Rebel is a consumer grade camera. I sure like to hear your lens line-up.
    Also, I sure hope you have registered and got a tax ID number if you are going to call yourself "professional" and charging money. Otherwise you are operating illegally. Very unprofessional.

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  8. Too funny!! Really people....can't you tell this is a joke?? This is everything the professional photographers complain about :).

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  9. HAHAHAHA!! This is so awesome.

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  10. Anonymous, in defence you can Be a photographer with A rebel! Some of the greatest photographers i know shot with rebels first! It is not the camera that makes the photographer, its the photographer that makes the camera, But this girl, Seriously, No offence but It's people like you that ruin the photography name! Are you like 15? UMM cuz u sound like ur totally cool Like, Umm NOT! Stop ruining photography for us all! I work my butt off to provide a service for my clients and here you are just getting an email and a free blog and deciding ur gonna do it? It takes practice and experience and no offence but if ppl come to someone who talks like a young child, they best expect some not so great results. Sorry but thats harsh that u are calling urself a photographer, its not something that just happens overnite!

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  11. Jane- You MUST submit something to our site. We're all so excited to see your pictures.

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  12. sweet. another loser enters field of photography.

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  13. Dont worry everyone, I'll answer all ur questions tomorrow!!!!!! I have 4 shoots tonight and I have to go stand in the way of the other photogs until they leave so I can have the good spot at the park. I mean there clients arent even as cute as mine, like I'd actually let them have the best spot there. Ugh. N-E-WAYS, I'll answer you all tomorrow!!!! LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE OVERUSE OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  14. You're prices are GREAT. I want pictures of my hot little baby dude. We have to wait until the tattoo scabs come off though.

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  15. i thunks that it takeses giant ball er testecles
    to start up a business now. goode luke with ur
    pphoto venture, ps could i book u fur a wedding
    i will have in november, or deceber (if she wille
    merry me). you friendly friend josh

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  16. so you have 4 shoots tonight? sorry, but how much time do you spend on your clients?????

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  17. You rock Jane!! Love ya mean it!

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  18. "Totes adorbs" = the most annoying phrase EVAR.

    The comments from people who think this is serious are funnier than the actual blog entry.

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  19. OMGWTF how you call yourself photographer with rebel. we carry canon 1ds and nikon d3 and two leica m9 and prime lenses 14mm to 500mm, and we have to keep hasselblad and mamiya home so locals do not thing we "show off". when we go safari we rent best trucks and carry guns to safely make best headshots for the world. you post pictures and i post my and show you best picture in the world. ( =.=)#

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  20. This is so COOL! I have a commercial business and I was hoping to get free photography service because, well, photographers aren't like professionals or anything, so I don't need to pay for their cost of doing business. Sooooo check it out, if you wanna shoot for me, I will MAKE SURE to credit you. The EXPOSURE is so worth it! Shooting for me for free will bring you a TON of biz! #bi-winning!

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  21. REALLY you just got your camera and you are going to call yourself a professional right away, UM ya no, and learn how to freaking talk, you must be like 12, cause no one freaking talks that way..

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  22. Jane you're awesome, definitely more so than that guy who says he goes on safaris. What a lame-o. he probably gets dirty all day and hasn't botoxed once in his life. Although it is cool he speaks two languages. Leica hasselblad mamiya! AH! How cool.

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  23. I soo want to hire you for my family ports! Totes fierce!

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  24. I'm totally hiding in the bathroom creeping Facebook right now, hiding from the little bratty mcbrattybrat I'm supposed to be shooting. I think I'm going to tell them I have a tummy ache because there girl is NOT listening to me like AT ALL! And she's not even wearing a tutu or enormo hair bow?!?!?! Fashion fail.

    But anyways, Matthew, you and me, e-BFFLs!!!!! What is that guy talking about M9s for anyways, I don't even like sportscars and THIS IS A PHOTOGRAPHY BLOG, HELLO DUH! But I would like to learn another language. Maybe a romance language like Scottish or something.

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  25. I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry...

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  26. Jane, I think you should do seminars and workshops. Maybe even do a 69 city tour. You are Digital Rebel Awesomeness.

    Charge $1500 to start on your workshops.

    I am your VooDoo Daddy.

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  27. lol! This is BRILLIANT! So funny! Can't wait to see some pics :)

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  28. I just picked up a groovy camera off of ebay! It's not a DLSD or any thing like that but it's 12 megapixels and it comes with Photoshop Elements for free so I'm sure my pix will be great. I would like to start a pin-up and swim suit portfolio and you sound totally hot, Jane. Let's get together on Model Mayhem.

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  29. Love this.....you could have a cult following! Keep this up! This is the funniest blog I've ever read.

    And I want a VooDoo Sugar Daddy!!!!

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  30. You've got to be kidding me!

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  31. Oh, honey. Don't worry about not knowing Photoshop. You can use a free editor. I would suggest Picnik, but they CHARGE for *Premium* features. Who do they think they are? I don't know about you, but if it ain't free...forget about it! Don't fret, though. I'm pretty sure the selective color option is free in Picnik. I really can't think of any other feature a photographer would need. Best wishes with your business. Hoping you have some workshops coming soon!

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  32. LOL! OMG! WTF? BBQ! This was totally awesomesauce! Can't wait to see piccies!

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  33. I think you should have a workshop!

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  34. Melanie ChehorskyApril 11, 2011 at 8:33 PM

    To Anonymous....Give this person a chance to prove themselves before making crude remarks and stabbing her in the back!! I myself recently bought a Canon REBEL T1i and have taken a couple of classes already. I love the hobby and if someone wants to let me "LEARN" what I have learned then I'm going to do it. I don't know this person or anything, but it bugs the heck out of me when people BASH someone's dream/talent. Grow up.

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  35. You & Uncle Bob Photography should team up! :)
    http://www.facebook.com/UncleBobPhotography

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  36. wow.... i just read the comments and realized it was a joke. ignore that last comment

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  37. OMG Jane you sound soooooooooooooooooooooo awesome & TOTS fun! So N-E-WAY I need a fotographer for my wedding - its' on the most awesome Saturday date 09-10-11. I don't have a big budget tho and I only want to pay for 3 hours, I think we can squeeze getting ready, ceremony, pictures in the park, and the reception in, can't we? I want all the pictures on a disk. They guy on craigslist wanted $300 can u match dat? If not I can have my Uncle Bob do it but I looooooooove you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  38. There are A LOT of people in here whose head this is soaring right over. Good god you guys.

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  39. For the love of everything good and holy, please let this be a joke. If it isn't then you should probably seek professional help, very very soon. However, I was having a really shitty day until I read this. I haven't stopped laughing since. Please post pictures soon so we can all enjoy your awesomeness! I agree you should give seminars! I'll hire you to come teach my staff.

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  40. Oh dear, some poor photographer is feeling threatened and the only way to get it off their chest is to post sarcastic jibs. Its a shame that instead of putting your head down and working hard to separate yourself from these types of hopefuls, you have to go to the malicious effort to get a blog going and to publicize it on social networks.

    I am sure you all think this is a bit of fun, but it is pathetic. People, like the one you are trying to emulate are the ones who probably are your biggest fans - yet instead of encouraging them to try their hand at a creative means of self expression, you slander and belittle them with this kind of sarcastic vomit.

    Obviously it is a joke, but on a sad level. I pity the photographer that probably bitches to all their peers and friends that will listen, but now rally other small mined people to their shallow sad cause which is to crush people with a dream or aspirations to become the next generation of photographers/creatives.

    Also having an expensive camera or an impressive list of lenses will NOT make you a good photographer or even a professional, it means you are a sucker for marketing and keeping up with the Jones'.

    And if your talking about professionalism this whole blog setup and ongoing rant of yours is NOT professional at all.

    Its a hard task deciding to do your own business, follow through with it and become successful, especially in today's market. I am sure when you started your business (I assume you have your own business as you seem to be 'soo' knowledgeable) you had a lot of help and support and you had no fuckwits putting this crap out there to bully you out or make you feel insignificant.

    Your clients must love your constant rant as I am sure that this is what you are constantly putting out there to differentiate yourself rather than quality work and service. Which is actually an insult to whoever your talking to as it assumes the client has no taste and cannot discern between a quality outfit or a makeshift one.

    I am sure they also enjoy your small minded sense of humour.

    My advise to you is to grow up and notice that the industry is changing and you either get on board and be a leader to make the industry better. Which is what the Aipp is trying to do with their accreditation system or you can wallow in the deprecation and mean thoughts that will only lead to bitterness and your demise.

    Bet you won't post this - won't even put your real name to it - chicken.

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  41. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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  42. awesome sauce!! thanks for the laugh!

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  43. Haha, great laugh. Seriously though, if you can't see this is a joke, you should really pause for a second and think back.
    Like someone mentioned before, it's everything pros complain about, and then some (unless you've heard a pro complain about excessive use of pink). If this is legit, I'm a big blond koala bear.

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  44. Just came across this blog....Well I am not sure I am believing what I am reading. This has got to be a joke right? Surely this can not be real? I mean, has the world gone mad? Where are the sample images? Contact details? Why am I wasting my time writing this stuff when I know deep down this is a hoax site... Stuff me silly but at least I got a laugh out of this....

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  45. Professional photographer and auto mode doesnt go together..

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  46. This is too funny! Jane you are AwEsOmE!! GIIIRRRLLLL! You are fabulous!

    And to the Anonymous poster that wrote the novel about 7 comments above mine....take a chill pill, it's just a joke!

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  47. find it SUPER funny that mr. or mrs. anonymous up there with his big long novel, calls out Jane "Bet you won't post this - won't even put your real name to it - chicken." yet HE/SHE is anonymous!
    This is GREAT! and a much need laugh!

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  48. If ths is a joke would like to say the person should try becoming a writer or something cause dam...... And if it isn't I'm totally confused.... Lol

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  49. When is your first workshop going to be? I wanna sign up.....

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  50. dang - too bad you already bought a Rebel. I saw this pink and brown sony camera that would have matched your site so perfectly. I mean all the pros know it is good to match your outfits to your camera.

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  51. As much as all of this strikes a chord with every photog that has fought his/her way to the top, only to find that their best client's brother's sister-in-law just started "taking pictures", and will no longer be coming to you anymore for their bi-annual photo sessions, I feel that we as professional photographers can do something to combat this wave of amateurs. You may be wondering what in the world you can do to fend off all of the under-cutting, over-exposing, glorified (or sometimes not even glorified) snapshot photographers in your area, and the answer is simple. EDUCATE! Go to them, kindly, and talk to them about what they are doing. When an aspiring photographer asks you a photography question, ANSWER THEM. I'm not saying that you have to hold free workshops for all of the local wannabes, and share all of your precious secrets. It's as easy as saying "Here is a great resource for information that may benefit you in your journey to becoming a professional photographer. www.____________.com/forum" Not everyone will take your advice, but at least this way, you know you did your part in attempting to educate. Many of these newbie photographers are not malicious in the way they run their businesses, they are simply uneducated and totally naive to the way things should be done. I mean seriously, do you know ANYONE who would charge someone $50 for a disc of images, if they really knew that they could charge $800 plus? Probably not. This will not get better if they never learn that they are doing it wrong.

    We were all beginners, once upon a time, and we should understand that everyone has to start somewhere.

    Confession time:
    I was one of "those" photographers. I had a friend who had a dslr, and it got me interested in getting one for myself. I just KNEW that I'd be able to get that camera in my hands, and go straight out to enlist all of the local seniors in my new photography program. Ha! Well guess what, I got that camera, took it out of the box, and stared at it totally bewildered and overwhelmed. I had NO idea how to use it, so I asked my friend for help, and she led me to a forum that changed my life. I became a member of that forum, and made some great friends, and learned sooooo much. I would NEVER be where I am today without the loving guidance of those ladies, [and a few fellas ;) ] and I am forever grateful for their help and support. With that in mind, I cannot even fathom turning my back to another aspiring photographer who asks for my help. I feel that I owe it to the people that taught me, to pass on the things I have learned, and hopefully create another talented and well educated photographer that we can all be proud of.
    Let's face it, the amateurs are ALWAYS going to be around. The least we can do is lead them down the right path.

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  52. As for the topic of equipment and web presence, I believe that with talent and ambition, you can make anything work for you. I started with a blogger blog. That's it. No website. Not even a private URL for my blog. I am not ashamed to say that I STILL use that blog because, honestly, I am not a big fan of change, and I am intimidated by the learning curve that I might encounter in switching to something different. I will do it eventually, but for now I am focusing on other things. I don't think that the ".blogspot.com," at the end of my blog URL, makes me any less of a photographer.

    As for equipment, I often see a bit of hypocrisy in the photography world. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard the "You're camera takes great pictures" vent, in which photographers exclaim that it is NOT what you shoot with that makes you a photographer, it is how you use it, and the knowledge that you possess that help create beautiful images. Yet, fast forward a few months later and that same person is posting about how she saw xyz photographer shooting senior portraits at the park with an entry level camera and a kit lens. And continue on to proclaim that you cannot be a REAL photographer without investing thousands upon thousands of dollars in equipment. I actually had this happen in a conversation I was in once. The other photographer had just finished complimenting my work, very enthusiastically, then went on to tell another beginner that was chatting with us that you cannot be a pro without top of the line equipment. Well, guess what.........
    Confession time again:
    ....I shoot primarily with a Nikon D200, and a Nikon 50mm 1.8 that I bought used for $85. I don't have thousands of dollars worth in lenses. Rather, I have a family that has gone through hard times the past few years, and I made the executive decision to make due with what I have, since it works for me just fine, and help our family make it through the tough times. Now, does that make me less of a photographer too??? According to this other photographer that just got done praising my work, it does. I am one example of how you can make things work.....you just have to put your heart into it. I may not be the biggest most successful photographer around, but I shoot what I love, and take great joy in the fact that I am fortunate enough to share my love for photography with the world. Granted, I did not have an ideal beginning in the world of photography, but I am very proud of how far I have come, and fully intend on continuing to learn and grow.

    This is not meant to be a rant, and I am not looking down on those that find entertainment in things like this, but I would just like for everyone to look at it from a different angle. I hope that I have motivated some of you to reach out instead of turn away. :)

    ps. I might just share this post with whomever might read it on my BLOGGER blog. :)

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  53. Cari, thank you :) I am a beginner and while I try very hard NOT to do this I can also not start out with the best equipment in the world or charging several hundred dollars for a shoot. We all have to start somewhere and for MOST of us it is at the bottom. While I do think this is hilarious on the surface, the attitude that it represents is disturbing and all too common.

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  54. Oh for goodness sake. I really think this "blog" is being taken WAY too seriously by some. It's just a joke. Saturday Night Live does the same thing every week. It's so over the top that it's certainly not at the expense of any specific individual. There's nothing wrong with a good laugh now and then...I think you're funny Jane. Thanks for making my afternoon more enjoyable! Just ignore the commenters that want to turn your little spoof into the next Dr. Phil episode.

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  55. "How do you call yourself a "professional photographer" with a Rebel? Rebel is a consumer grade camera"

    Shows how much you know. You're one of "those" photographers, the ones with the stick up their butt and their nose stuck in the air. You can give a really good photographer a throw away camera and they can turn their photos into something people will love.


    Great blog Jane ;) I'll take the wrinkled sheet please.

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  56. This is awesome. Not gonna lie, when I did my first "paying" shoot, I rocked it complete with rebel AND the wrinkled sheet. Not my finest moment. Thank God for Google... and PRACTICE! So Jane, I've totally been you. Work it GURL!!

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  57. OMG- LOVE how the poster above calls "Jane" a chicken while using "anonymous" to post...hello pot, meet kettle!"

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  58. Totally agree with Carri Mullins above. For all the hairdressers that give free haircuts to friends or give discounted rates because they do it out of their house, nurses and doctors that give medical advice to friends or on blogs/websites FOR FREE--not everyone provides services at a high rate because their living depends on it. It's a free market. Provide a product that is worth 10x more than the MWAC, then you will get customers willing to pay that much. Don't complain just because a photography business is relatively low-overhead compared to a brick-and-mortar store or other service and other people are willing to do it for cheaper. People will still to buy expensive clothes, cars, etc. that don't function any better than the cheaper versions, but don't expect cheaper brands to mark up their prices just because the expensive stores are complaining that not enough people are buying from them.

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  59. Your Site and Portfolio are EPIC!! I totally also think you should do a seminar!! #Winning!!! Do you have your 50 f/1.8 yet? All REAL Photographers have that lens. ;)

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  60. I'm so glad I am not associated with any of you photographers who took this seriously! LOL! No sense of humor, at all. Are you all really that retarded? If so, you have no business running your own business, nor being part of ANYTHING that is creative. Go back to being an engineer, accountant, IT manager, or whatever other job you had before your midlife crisis.

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  61. i cant believe that some people on here actually took it serious,what dumbA$$es..
    this is a cracker,and if i had a dollar for every person i know whos done this id be sipping pina coladas somewhere in retirement,,,love it!!
    p.s i have a crappy blogger page

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  62. Is this blog and you being a professional photographer a joke?

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  63. If people took the time to read they would see that this was actual a parody-type of blog of a photographer we would hate to see out there.
    Seriously.
    Read.

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  64. LOL wix.com site. too funny!! this had me rolling!

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  65. Let them bitch and moan, they are the ones that look like idiots.

    Everyone started somewhere, they started as amateurs too and from many of the "rockstar" photogs I know, are still amateurs...or is that immature, fake rip offs...yes, that's what I meant.

    I'm enjoying it, I think you should step it up and add all the "well known photogs" that make their $ ripping off other photogs.

    Please do, start seminars.
    Write a book.
    Invent a plastic round thing.
    Make actions and templates.
    Workbooks and DVDs are big sellers too, specially when they're not real and never show up!

    Keep making us laugh :)

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  66. "Anonymous said...
    I'm so glad I am not associated with any of you photographers who took this seriously! LOL! No sense of humor, at all. Are you all really that retarded? If so, you have no business running your own business, nor being part of ANYTHING that is creative. Go back to being an engineer, accountant, IT manager, or whatever other job you had before your midlife crisis.
    April 14, 2011 9:03 AM"

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA epic!

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  67. I'm not as worried about the person associated with writing this. Obviously, it's the biggest joke of all time. If it's not - God help us all.

    I'm more worried about the people trying to take this seriously. Honestly - your assholes must be the size of pinheads.

    "As for the topic of equipment and web presence, I believe that with talent and ambition, you can make anything work for you," except intelligence. You're still an idiot. Good job fixing that.

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  68. It's obvious to anyone that can see, and knows anything at all about photography that you are not a profeshunal. I mean, WHERE IS YOUR LOGO??
    Hellooooooooooo! Logo=Profeshunal!
    No logo = 'Tog wannabee!
    Duhhhhhhhh!!

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  69. Ah satire, always somewhat amusing. Even more so when people just don't get it.

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