My hair looks awesome

I can't think of anything fauxtog related to rite about, so I just wanted you all to know that my hair looks totes presh today.  Like for reals.

Oh, and idk what everyone is getting all madsies about with the Tods&Tiaras mom dressing up her daughter like Pretty Woman.  She was a cute little prostitot!!!!!  They were probs just jelly because their kids are uggos.  I know some moms like that, but serious, it's not my fault youre kid fell down the ugly tree and hit every ugly branch on the way down to uglyville.

Anyways, my hair.  Totes cute.

E> Jane

Someone stole my bizzie model :(((((((

So like, you know I hate stealing (I only BORROW ideas) so I don't know weather or not to be flattened by this person copying me, or totes offended because I was for sure gonna put an add on Kajiji that was just like this one but now I can't bcuz its taken.  *super frowny face*

http://kitchener.kijiji.ca/c-ViewAd?AdId=308000811&MessageId=MSG.VIEW_AD.REPLY_TO_AD_SENT&mpname=R2S&mpname=Activity-R2S&mpuid=1700212%3B168%3B308000811%3B-2394156687%3B%3B&secev=AQAAATHsNjIAAM0AAAACACIxMzFmYTA0NjVlNi5hMjBiMjczLjRlNDAwLmZmZmY1OGYxAAAAABJbuCsAWiIIV6cCMcGl9NGcXuEYWS%2BtSP8*

E> J

How to pose a newborn

Some of you aksed me if I could do a tut about posing a newborn, so here it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So like babys are adorbs on there own, we no that, but you know, sometimes they just look fat and constipated.  So we have to pose them to make them look cute and tiny and presh.  First, you always want their faces to obscured by something.  A hand, part of the blanket, an enorm bow, something.  This will show peeps that the baby is alive.  I know that sounds kinda sadsies, but with the amount of desaturation that we'll be applying to the skin, they'll need some indication that the baby is still breathing.  More about that l8r.

Another tip is to put them in immediate danger.  That is what the reel artists do because there so good they don't need to worry about common sense of anything.  There's a piccie of the baby sitting up, wrapped up like a sack of potatos and this takes a SUPER pro to do because you have to balance the baby.  Nobody can be touching the baby, and babies will like cry over anything, so make sure the balance is just rite or the baby will flop over.  They aren't weebles you know.

I saw one pic of a baby on a mantle.  BEST. PIC. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The fauxtog said it was okay bcuz the daddy was only like 3 steps away, but serious, it's not like babies roll, or mantles brake or anything so it's alrite.  The mantle was only 5 feet off the ground, so the baby only would a have died a little bit if it fell, but remember ART FIRST!!!!!!!!!!  OR else ur not a reel artist.

Hanging babies upside down, placing them on the edge of cliffs, curbs, on top of skiddish animals (horses, elephants), balancing them on the top of flag poles, all of these things are super artistic and will make all the h8rs supes jelly.

Now for post processing (or editing if you're not a pro like me).  All you have to do is desaturate the reds and yellows for that perfect "peek into the morgue" look, and ur totes good to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If the bubs is wearing an enorm bow or tutu or fluffy butt thingy, ALWAYS selective color these things.  ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Or if the blanket is especcialy colorful, that too.

Um, that's all I can think of for now, I'm totes tired becuz the hubbymuffinlovermonkeydoodlepie and I have been trying so hard to get preggers so I can be part of the in crowd, I'm just ezosted.  You can totes tell bcuz I'm not using as much punctuation thingies and my post isn't even in cute colors :(((((((((((  My life is supes dificult, you have no idea.  I wont even tell you about what happend to the escalade last week (the detailer DIDNT CLEAN THE MUD ON THE INSIDE OF THE DOOR FRAME!!!!!!!!!!!!! like for reals, I'm not even kidding.)

Love and cutie pumpkins,
E> JM

Why does nobody want me anymore?

So like the reason I havent been posting is because I went from SUPES busy to NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Wtheck is wrong??????????????  Is it the repression?????????  And because of it, peeps are poor now??????????? (not me of course, I just got 4 new gucci bags to match my new teeny weenie bakinis for the summer) but I for reals don't know why people aren't coming to me for piccies anymore????????????

Everyones prob in the bahamas or fiji for the summer vaycay.  That's probs it.

E> J

WTHECKADOODLES?!?!?!?!?!?!

Oooooooooookay!!!!!!!!! I'm back!!!!!!!!! I know you missed me so much because I got your emails!!!!!!!!

I was wixed away on a totes amazeness vaycay by my hubbermuffincuddler and we went to the Bahamas. It was FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We spent a while there and I got so tanned and I was SOOOOOOO glad I had appointment with my waxer the day before.

Anyways, let me tell you what happened. It will make you furrious like it did to me!!!!!!!! I was on groupon and there was a okay deal with a photographer to get family piccies.  I snagged one, it was $25 for the session and 2 8x10 sheets.  Not bad I guess but whatevs.  So anyways, we had our piccies done and they were so cute!!!!!!!!!!!  Then, we went to pick out more and guess what.

NO, GUESS!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY WERE $60 EACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIKE, OHEMGEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I started crying and pretended it was like I was so happy with how beautiful they were.  But I was really crying because they were ripping me off like ripper offers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The guy said it was all in the groupon coupon, all his prices and stuff, but for reals, who even reads that stuff anyways???????????  He even said his price list is online, and linked on the groupon offer, but like, do I look like I read?????????? Um, no!!!!!!!!!!! I have a life you know??????????????  

So like anyways I had to pay almost as much as I paid for my matching Coach handbag and clutch set, JUST FOR PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course I went online and totes RUINED his rep because he's such a ripper offer.  I told everyone what he did to me and they told me what I should do:  they said to scan the pix and print my own.  I totes am.  I know they have a scanner at Walgreens and THEY only charge like fifteen cents for their piccies.  

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!  DO YOU KNOW HARD IT IS TO GO THREW THIS??????????????  

I am the one that gave him my business through groupon.

I am the one that let him use my beautiful, flawless face and my perfect children.  They only broke 2 of his light poles and kicked him a few times, but other than that they were ANGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont deserve this kind of treetment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so selfless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First, before I start telling you about what a perfect and totes amazing person I am, I have to warn you. Blogger is like totally having a bad week or something and its STILL not letting me change the size or color of my pretty words, so you'll have to deal with this boaring black, okay???????????? I'm sorry, I hope they fix it soon *frownyface*

I feel so warm and loveydoodles inside. I just saved my friend a FORCHIN!!!!!!!!!!! Let me tell you the story about me being selfless and awesome.........

My friend J was going to get her X-mas card piccies done by this super duper famous photog in our town because J just had a baby and she wanted really good piccies. She was having the consultation early this morning so I told her I'd come to make sure the photog is totes on the up && up and not a scammer or anything. So we hopped in my Pearl Escalade and got our venti largo mocha choca latte extra foam skim caramel whip macchiatoccinos in the drive thru Starbys and went to the consultation. She ordered the "all you can click" package which had the CD of the whole shoot and she was paying (total with all the "taxes" and "fees" and whatever)

$2300.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So after Js consultation I got the photogs card and called her later. Obvi I told the lady "No way, hosay, because I'm a pro photog too." and I canceled Js appointment. I told the photog about my new 5d and my Photoshop C5 and I told her I'd give my friend the full CD of a whole entire photo shoot for $5 for her (since she's one of my besties for life). The scammer "pro" kept saying "are you sure?" because I guess she's booked until next summer or something but whatever, I dont know why peeps would even want her that badly if she charges so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So thats the story of me helping people and being so selfless and charitable like I am. I mean J will probably be able afford to go touch up her roots now that she doesn't have to pay all that money for piccies (and she totes for real needs a root touch up too, I mean who lets their roots even show-- EEW. Her baby is a few days old now, enough lazying around, kwim?????????)

I can't wait to tell J about the charitable gift I'm going to give her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

E> J

I think you guys forgott about me *frownyface*

I like posted and nobody commented. Not won person. I'm like "what's wrong with me???????" I went to Fiji for a week or too and now nobody loves me???????? Are you all just jellie of my adorbz tan?????? Or my new 5d that I got???????

WHAT IS IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Where did all the peeps that love me go?????????? Are you all vacationing in the Carribean?????????? WHAT??????????????

Oh and now Blogger isn't letting me make my text all pretty so I like can't even make it in the middle or big and pink to show just how sirius I am.

My life.

Is over.

My new Hero E> E> E>

Hi guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm back from my trip to FIJI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know you totes missed me for reals.  But I have some important news for you.  I have a new hero.  There name is

C n C Moments

Why are they my hero???????????  Cuz they totes followed my advise and used "placeholders" on their webbysight!!!!!!!!  Here, let me show you.

See, so like on there sight (under blog, && u hafta scroll down a bunches) is a picture of this cutsie pootsie wittle bebeh with a super adorbs multicolored hat.  And I was like WAITASEC, JANE!!!!!!  Where have you seen this piccie before?!?!?!?!  And then I was like "oh yah, doy, I saw it on Jodie Otte's webbysight!!!!! (page 2)

So I took screenshots (since people who use placeholders usually delete them rel fast)  and posted them on her facey (http://www.facebook.com/cncmoments)  but she deleted me as a friend and removed my comment :(  *SUUUUUPER FROWNY FACE*

So anyways, I had to blog about her because like, it's TOTES awesomesauce to have peeps follow youre lead and take after you.

LOVE 4EVA, CNC MOMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

E> JaneyJane, youre mentor

P.s. PLEEEEEZ repost this so peeps can see what an innovater I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh yeah, and what a great thief photographer CNC moments is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Etsy

So like I think I'm going to sell prints on Etsy because my style is so unique and artistic.  I think peeps will love to have piccies of the little boys and girls I shoot up on there wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


What do u think?!?!?!?!?!?!
E> jm

Getting redy

I just wanted you all to know, I'm not ignoring you, I'm getting redy for the vacation to fiji that I'm going on.  I didn't earn it or anything, I just get it because I'm cuter, richer and better than all of you that work hard for your vacations.  I'm leving at the end of the week, but it takes me awile to pack everything into my matching louis vitton trunks and suitcases.  I'll be back next Friday and I'll 4 sur post piccies for you to drool over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*pity smile*

E>  J

If your wondering why I'm not posting..............

It's because I've like run out of ideas :(((((((

I've been stocking other bloggies to see if they have any ideas I can steal borrow.  But they keep using big words and I get confused and go back to cute kitten videos. 

Okay, like, here's a question.  Why do peeps get mad at you for being better then them????????????  Red is being a total brattybrat and plus the one photog's facey that I've been borrowing from?????? She's like all mad at me two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  All I wanna do is show people that I can do the same piccies as her but better, but she's like "stop posting pix in the same spot as me two days later" and "that farm land is MY PROPERTY, get off"  and "stop running the same specials as I post" and all that.  Whatevs. 

I'm sOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO not caring.  Besides, I'm totes going on vacation next week to fiji because this biz stuff is major stressage. 

Sorry to be such a frowny fran lately, but biz is HaAaAaAaAaArD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I just don't know what to do. 

E/> Janeywaney

Haters

So like I, being Red's exbffl, remember her email password (it's nkotbrox beeteedubs) and so know what I did? I got her hole email list and sent them my website and a coupy for 50% off a sesh with me.

AM I BRILLS TO THE MAX OR WHAT?!?!

So I'm gonna get all my clients back!

And I finally finished editing the 25 seshes I had using free actions I found online. Totes works grate!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have 22 seshes today and I had 14 yesterday and I'm doing a wedding tomorrow, so these actions will fershur come in handy dandy while I'm editing this week. And I told half of the complainers to shut up so I didn't haft redo their seshes either. Its been a good week!!!!!!!

I'm siked so much about my first wedding tomorrow!!!!!!!!! Can anyone say OPEN BAR?????? I normally don't drink but if its free I'm gonna get tanked!!!!!!! Let my artistry flow, kwim?

Wish me luckypoo!!!!!!!!!

E> j

P.s. Some1 thinks everyone who is anonymous is rely me commenting on my own blog. So totes hilarius rite? So you should all make a name to sign it with so they stop thinking that.

I don't like this anymore

So like, Now that I've been doing tons and tons of shoots, it's taken me forever to edit them and I like never get any time to relax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Someone told me to get actions for photoshop so I looked up a few of those for free ones and I got them so it made editing easier, but now people are complaining because some of them look funny.  I have to go back and edit some more and order more and like I thought I was going to be making tons of money, but now I've had to reorder so many times I've actually LOST a couple hundred dollars!!!!!!!!!!!  THIS IS TOTES NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have been editing non stop for days and I'm not even getting a new Coach clutch for all this hard work??????????  I mean I didn't even get to wright Tutorial Tuesday for you guys this week AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm flailing as your teecher and for that I'm totes sorry :(((((((

I think I'm going to raise my price to $25 for the shoot that comes with a hole disk, what do you think????????????

Too busy

Can't type now.  I had 25 shoots last weekend and now I am editing them and their all calling me asking for there pix and I can't edit this fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  People are getting sOoOoOoO madsies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What am I spozed to do???????????????

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whiners

So like I've been a pro for like over a month now.  And I read photography forums and I know that people complain alot, but I'm just SoOoOoOoOoOoOo sick of complainers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Here's a passive aggressive, hypocritical whine about people who whine and are passive aggressive:

1.  Soft pictures are so totes IN right now. Stop saying their not in focus, I make them soft of purpise because I'm an artist, DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2.  I like bright colors.  Get over it.  You don't, so what.  I'm the pro, you don't know what's good, I do.
3.  YOUR fug skin has the zitties and your butt is fattymcfatterson, so dont get mad at me when you can see it on your piccie.  If you don't like it, get prettier, don't ask me to photoshop so much.  It takes too long and I don't wanna do it.
4.  Your kids are brats.  They don't sit still.  But even if they did, I don't know how to set my SS fast enough to account for camera shake........................... see complaint #1.
5.  I overdo whatever fad was cool 5 years ago, no more, no less.  If u dont like it, photoshop it yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6.  I own all of my locations.  If your another photographer, just trying to steel my locations, I will stand in all of your piccies until you leave and tell your clients you called them fat behind there back.
7.  I charge what I do because I'm not a ripper offer, and I need to give people some kind of incentive to come to me not you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8.  I LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If you don't, you are dumb.

So like yeah.   

H8ers PAY ATTENSHIN because these are for U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But u know what they say, h8ers make me famous and we all know I'm gonna be the Louboutin of photography soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

E> Jane

Tutorial Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi my cutie pumpkin lovey huggy muffins!!!!!!!!!

Today, my tutorial is going to be on how to make colors POP!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so here's my pic

it's really gray and blah, rite???????????

So hears what we do. This is only for people who really know how to use Photoshop C5 because it's really really hard and you hafto know where like EVERYTHING is on it.

First, make a copy of the piccie layer thingy. Go up to layer and click on duplicate layer.

Then, if you look in the bottom rite corner where it says backgorund and now it says there's another layer there. There's a little menu doohickey and it says "normal" on it. Click on that and click on overlay.

Then go up above and click on layer and go down to new adjustment layer and click on hue/saturation. Drag the slideydoo as far over to the rite as it takes before your pic looks hawt.

Here's what my after looks like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two awesome.  If anyone wants to use this picture in a magazine or a museym, please email me at gigglesandcutiepumpkins {at} gmail {dot} com.  I will sell you the copyrite for $1.50 because I'm not a ripper offer, member??????????????????

Also, for next week's tutorial Tuesday I'm going to need piccies of people's faces.  So please email me all the piccies of people you have at the same email address I just posted above.  Thannnnnnnks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

E>  JaneyJane

I ALMOST DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So like Blogger was down for like TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!  I had so much photography knowledge to share with you, and so many things to teach you and I couldn't because the website was like BROKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I almost died for you!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know you were trying to refresh the page over and over, CRYING because it wouldn't work.  I know you were so desperate for my cuteness, my inspiration, my fountain of knowledge pertaining to the gorge art of photography!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry I made you sadsies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please forgive me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In hopes that you'll forgive me, here's a cute picture of a sad kitten.

 Furrgive me pweez???????

E>  Jane 

Tutorial Tuesday... on Wensday!!!!!!!

Sorry so much you guys, I had boat lag yesterday and was unpacking and starting at myself in the mirror so I forgot to write a tutorial for you guys!!!!!!!!!!  But here it is!!!!!!!!!!!

Today's tutorial is on......... Black and White!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, this one is easy peasy, so anyone can do it.  All you have to do is..........
1.  Open your piccie
2.  Click on Image
3.  Go down to adjustment
4.  Click on Black and White

WAHLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

You'll probably get some whiny, greedy "pro" telling you that's NOT how to do it.  They always tell me "Your black and white confusions lack dep and contrast.  Your skin is muddy.  There is skill involved in creating a meaningful black and white confusion."

WELL MAYBE WE DON'T WANT DEP OR SKILL (unless you're talking about Johnny Dep, we'll take two of those plz!)  MAYBE WE JUST WANT A PLAIN OLD BLACK AND WHITE PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Geez.  Some people think we need to use "skill" and "knowlege" to do everything in photography.  As if being  a real pro takes any of that!!!!!!!!  Whatevs.  Obvi they know nothing, rite?

I would have given you guys an example piccie to go along with this tutorial, but none of you are sending me pix!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Send me some!!!!!!!!!  I can't use piccies of my own kiddos because then you'll figure out who I am my camera will brake from their SUPER CUTIENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So send me pix at gigglesandcutiepumpkins {at} gmail {dot} com.  Any pix!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Well, no uggos, please.

THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANKS!!!!!!!!!!!

E>  Jane

ZOMGOODNESS!!!!!!

So the reason I was gone for so longsies was because...........
also for mothers day my hubkinchukymonkeylover

TOOK ME ON A SUPRIZE CRUZE!!!!!!!!!!!!  

TO ME-HEE-CO!!!!!!!!!!!!

And of course I took lots of picciepoos!!!!!!!!

Here's us on the beech

Here's me hiking mount everest

Us enjoying our family time

 

Look how tan we got!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like so much hotter than the fake-n-bakes I get!!!!!!!!

All these piccies are OBVI taken by me, look how awesome they are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't be jealous though, I'm sure your mothers day was almost as good rite???????????????????

Awesomeness and useless things on my camera

Awesomeness things that happened today...........
1.  My hurr got did and I got my highlights touched up so I'm looking fandangtabbulous!!!!!!  Youll note that Im using extra punctuations because of how AbFab I'm looking!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.  Hubeykinsloveymuffinoodlebug suprized me with my Mothers Day PRESENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That 5D that you guys said is the best camera out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There isn't Mark's sticker on it so it must have been made by a different guy, but it's still a Cannon and it's big!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It doesn't have a flash that comes on the top which stinks, I don't know why they'd take it off on the better camera, but whatevs.  Hubbers can stop sleeping in the guest house now witch is good because I was getting lonely.

That leads me on to a little bit of a rant four you..........
Why are there so many useless things on my camera?????????????

1.  The squares in the little thingy I look into.  There always getting in the way when I want to take a piccie.  Cant I like erase them or something???????

2.  I just found out when I press the picture taker button not all the way down it BEEPS??????????  WTHECK??????????  Normally I just press it all the way over and over so I get about 2,000 piccies per session, but I hesitated once and only pushed it halfway and it beeped!!!!!!!!!!!!  I think maybe its broken??????  I mean they killed Obama so I know it's not a terrorist bomb.

3.  The wheel thingy on top has sOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo many letters on it that just make your pix look terrible.  Why would you want to use anything but Automatic mode??????????  People are weerd.

Anyways, off to give my huggylovkins some snugglywugglies!!!!!!!!!

E>  Jane